My Updated Transformation: A 2-Year Journey

My Beachbody Top Coach Video and Transformation!

Facebook Badge

Wednesday, July 23, 2008

Saying No to the Blame Game

Workers in government offices are notoriously sour-pussed and plain old nasty. In other words, they can make easy scapegoats for our unwillingness to accept responsibility. At least, that was the case for me today.

I headed down to the Department of Motor Vehicles this morning knowing that I should probably bring my social security card. But, the truth was I was too lazy to turn back. When I was turned away for not carrying the proper documentation, I was annoyed with myself. I knew better. When I was turned away a second time for not having brought along my passport, I was indignant. I uselessly argued with the desk attendant about what should be considered proper documentation only to be given a "Those are the rules now get out of my face look." Angry and frustrated at the ineptitude of government employees to disseminate correct information, I, um, made a statement by throwing the clipboard on the table. I was pissed and I wanted the world to know it!

But as I walked home for the second time, I realized that I wasn't taking responsibility for what had just transpired. It was my responsibility to leave the house with all government-issued documents in my name, and it was my responsibility to properly inquire as to what I would need when I was turned away. Why oh why was I nasty to this woman who was just doing her job? Because, frankly, it was easier to blame someone else than to accept responsibility for my own laziness.

Yup, I had behaved like a jackass and now I felt like one.

When I made my third and final trip to the DMV, I stood before the same employee and humbly said, "I'm sorry for giving you attitude before. It was my responsibility to have the required documents. It was hot, and I was tired, and I'm sorry." It was incredible to see her face soften and say, "It's okay. I have to deal with that all day long." At that moment, our defenses came down and we connected. I realized in that very moment how we often inflict suffering or just annoyances on other people because of our inability to own up to our issues. I just said, "Well, again, I'm sorry."

With a genuine smile she gave me a ticket number and regretfully told me that I needed to fill out the same form again in black (versus blue ink). I smiled, thanked her and walked to my seat.

I almost had a bad day and I almost blamed someone else for it, when really, I was the one who created the situation. The lesson for me was deep. "You create your own reality" so the saying goes. How true that is.

I invite you to reflect on how you may sometimes blame others for your bad days, for your failures, and even your successes. I hope you will discover that in almost all cases, you really are in the driver's seat.

Bring it!

Barbie, PhD


Elizabeth said...

Great story! and lets say the EXACT same thing happened to me!

My dad told me I didn't need anything but my old licence from GA to get a new licence in AL. Well I figured I needed SOMETHING like a birth certificate or something, but I went anyways without it. And of course I couldn't get it... So I asked the lady what I needed and she said, Birth Certificate, old Licence, and that was it.

So when I went back a few weeks later with my mom to get both of ours done, they asked for my SS Card. And of course I don't carry that with me (I have a passport as well and didn't have that with me either, as they are both back at my college apartment) So I got mad and said well forget it I don't need to change my licence yet. The lady there told me to walk the like 500 feet across the parking lot to the SS office and get just a piece of paper printed that verified my SS number. (seemed like a dumb thing b/c ths SS office only asked to see my licence and then gave me the paper)
but anyways it made the DMV happy and I regretfully walked back into the DMV office after sternly saying outload that I didn't want to walk over there and it was pointless and I don't need my licence. But... when I came back I started talking with the lady and everything was cool. She had a lot more to say the second time I was in there, haha.
But in the end I was glad I was "forced" by my "wise mom" to go get the stupid paper I needed for my SS information and not have to try and go back again later.

got to love the DMV!

Anonymous said...

taking responsibility for our desicions is powerfull... I just quit my job.. A new job... the conditions were not the best. My boss apologized for the conditions, which was nice, but I told her that the decision was mine to accept the job.. During the interview I saw the office I got myself until the situation.. I’m responsible… is liberating