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Saturday, October 3, 2009

Need to Nurture Self

Dear Boys and Girls,

I don't think I've ever been away from my blog for more than a few days. I've taken a step back from my coaching activities to allow myself to sit and reflect on where I am and where I want to be. Maybe the more important questions are: Who am I and Who do I want to be?

Oh, to be human and have painful epiphanies, epiphanies that I know I will turn into fruitful gains...

I moved to Dallas two years ago to start a new life and stumbled upon BeachBody and this amazing community of people. I got so completely wrapped up in this life, in helping myself, in helping others, in coaching, that I forgot to plant some roots in the city that is supposed to be home.

When I look around me I see that my online friends and customers are people from all over the country and all over the world. My boyfriend lives in California and my friends and family are in New York. Unless I'm working as a professor, I hardly spend any time here in Dallas. I am always there or there, but never here. My students often comment about how empty my office looks. In retrospect, I see that I have been afraid to dig my roots in at work, because, after all, what if I don't get tenure? If I don't get tenure, then there won't be much to pack. I'll just get up and leave as quietly as I came. What kind of loser attitude is that, Barbie?

I have always been one to grab life by the horns, to live in the here and now, and not in the distant, unknown future. And yet, I live in Dallas, and yet I don't.

As much as I love globetrotting, because I really do enjoy it, I have decided to begin digging my heels here and GET, as they say, A LIFE. Uh huh, social Barbie, everyone wants a body like yours Barbie, everyone wishes they could connect like you, Barbie, that Barbie forgot to plant roots and self-nurture.

So, my readers and coachees, know that I am still very much here, but that I am taking a few weeks to reassess and to find activities that bring me true joy and social interaction in this city that I have never actually gotten to know.

Next week I have The Tony Horton Fitness Camp and the following week, I have the Coaches' Game Plan in California, both of which I am looking forward to.

But, in the meantime, as a more long-term, solid plan...

I've just joined a triathlon club, am reaching out to folks with whom I've crossed paths but never bothered to follow up, I am taking care of me first, thinking of my life, my future, of who I am, and who I want to be.

I want to be whole. I am, let's face it, and I say this without bragging, successful and a superachiever. But what good is money, success, fitness, if there's no one in the 3-dimensional world to share it with.

I am ready to share and to live here. I'll be back to blogging and posting on the forums in a week or two or so. Trust me, Barbie is here to stay and I am committed to getting better and better.

By the way, my results are out of control. I am looking forward to the future.

Your friend in this journey,
Barbie, PhD


screwdestiny said...

Good for you, Barbie. I think it's really nice to actually get to know and enjoy the place you live in. I've only visited Dallas, but it seemed like a really nice city to me. See you in a few weeks. :)

Coach Barbie, PhD said...

I heart you. <3 always so supportive. <3 thank you, girl. :) I'll be back and actually had a blast today playing with some new friends. All we have to do is open sometimes. It's amazing. :)