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Saturday, January 23, 2010

Misfit


Dear Boys and Girls,

On Wednesday evening, I headed to The Gap and Banana Republic after deciding that I didn't want to face another day of comments regarding my "weight loss." (I'm 123 right now. I was 125-7 in December.) The truth is, I was indeed swimming, maybe drowning, in my size 6 work clothes on Tuesday. Somewhere in the land of too much extra fabric, I misplaced, yes, some of my self-confidence.

I really did almost die, sorta, when the size 0 jeans at the Gap fit, but were loose at the waist. I mean, for real? I even asked the salesperson, "Could I really be a zero?" She looked at me kind of strange, like duhhh, and replied, "Yea, you're pretty tiny."

Me? A zero? You'd think I was elated. I wasn't. I was more in shock than anything else. I never ever thought I'd be "that" girl.

At Banana Republic I felt relieved, yes, how strange, to discover that I was a 2. Ahh. I'm not as tiny as I thought.

So: I bought about six pairs of pants that fit. How wonderfully indescribable to show up to work the next day in clothes that actually fit. I was no longer lost in fabric. Instead, you could see, I could see and feel, the fit and confident person in me. I never thought that wearing clothes that fit would make should a difference. They can. I had often heard people complain on the message boards about having to buy smaller clothes, to which most of us would respond, "Girl, what are you complaining about?!" I think part of me thought that in those complaints was also a little bit of gloating, which is okay, too. Who wouldn't gloat about losing 3 dress sizes?! Well, now I understand. Buying a new wardrobe is expensive and perhaps more important, swimming in your clothes is physically and mentally uncomfortable.

Here I am at Tony Horton's Fitness Camp in Arizona. The first words out of Tony's mouth when he saw me yesterday was an almost surprised, "You're so fit." (He had last seen me in Hawaii in November.) I smiled on the inside. We shouldn't look to be validated by other people, but it felt good, I confess, to hear it from the man causing a fitness revolution in so many of our lives.

Yes. Yes, I am so fit.

The past few weeks have been interesting. I have been working towards my best body for more than two years now. All of a sudden, it seems, I have arrived to a state of super fitness and people all around me, even strangers, seem to take notice.

It's almost time for our first workout session with Tony Horton, so I have to go get ready. What a journey it has been and continues to be.

Thank you for sharing this with me.

Barbie, PhD

7 comments:

Monica Kopecky said...

Barbie,

I used to work at Old Navy and it is known there that them and their sister companies all size clothing big...so when you are a 2 you can
fit in a 0.

You are awesome and so motivating. Thank you for sharing your "sizing down" story!
~Monica

Adam said...

Congratulations Barbie, you clearly have worked incredibly hard to get to where you are. I can't imagine how great that must have felt to hear Tony say that to you. Enjoy the camp and good luck in the MDB finals!!

Adam

Ashlyn said...

I'm sorry that you've faced backlash like that for all of your hard work...it really is unfortunate that our society is now structured in such a way that a fit, healthy person is an anomaly. I am nothing near as fit as you are, but my efforts to change my eating habits have already garnered comments from some of my friends.

The only thing you can ask in recompense is that you inspire some people on your journey-count me as one! Week One of Slim in Six for me is almost complete...thanks for sharing your journey. Keep it up!

J.J. said...

Hi Barbie,
OMG you look wonderful :]

Let me tell you - I found your blog on Google and from the moment I read it, you´ve became my inspiration.
I linked your blog on mine and put up some pics there [hope you don´t mind] as my inspiration.
I wish I had the tools [videos] to follow the same path as you did [right now I´m not living in the States and I have no place to buy them] but I sure trust myself and I´m looking forward to one day look as good as you do.

Thanks for sharing your journey with us.
Sincerely,

J.J

screwdestiny said...

Haha, quite frankly, I wouldn't want to be a size 0 either, so I understand you being happy about fitting into the 2's. Yay for new, well-fitting clothes!

And that's great that Tony gave you that compliment. Remember to ignore all the haters because the people who actually know what they're talking about think what you've done is great. :)

Annie, The Amazing Shrinking Girl said...

Barbie you're amazing and a total inspiration. And you look awesome!

Btw, I've noticed GAP sizes have gotten really big over the past years... right now I wear a 6 and I'm still overweight. Back in high school (not that long ago) I wore a size 7 and was MUCH thinner than I am now.

(this comment is suppose to make you feel better... take away some of the shock of being too big in a 0. Not trying to burst your bubble because girl, you do look amazing!)

Coach Barbie, PhD said...

You guys all rock. Thanks. :)

Ya, the sizes are smaller in number now, I know. I mean the zero at the Gap was big. That can't be right. I feel good, and that's what matters, no matter what the label says.

J.J. LOVE YOUR BLOG!!!